that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
