I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
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