I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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