u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
