Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
