how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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