The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize
