Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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