i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
