I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
