I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
