i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
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