Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
