Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Yea no bueno and I only brought enough weed to last one night. And it was no Hanukah nug, it didn't last 8 days.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
