Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
