youre lurking in front of me
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
