I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
