I just saw a hot homeless man
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
