I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
At least make sure they are 18
Why
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
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I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
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So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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