a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
Randomize
