No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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