Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Randomize
