We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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