my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
