Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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