Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
