Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
