My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
