So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
