Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
Randomize