i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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