So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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