i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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