i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑