Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
27 Freshmen Who Really Didn’t Know What They Were Getting In To
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here