I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK