LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome