the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
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Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.