ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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