Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
You smell like stripper and shame
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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