I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
did i just pee glitter
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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