my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
