She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
