The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
