I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
