Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
