i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
