Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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