from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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