just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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