i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
