Pappa wants mamma naked
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
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