i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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