dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
