Slut skills are useful in every country.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
