It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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