Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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