listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Randomize
