Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Did you just see the Batmobile???
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
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