Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
