Ambien. No doubt about it.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
Randomize
