omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
