The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
Randomize
